Thinking Over
Song-fic
By: Jessica M. Moonflower
E-mail: salud731@earthlink.net
Rated: PG

Timeline: Alternate Reality

Summary: A marriage proposal from her
loving boyfriend is the subject of distress for
Serena Brooke. Will her answer be yes or no?

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies

ANs: The song 'Thinking Over' is sung by Dana Glover.
This is my WAFF fic for the WAFF vs. TAFF day at SMRFF.
Hope you all enjoy it!

"The best advice does not come from words, but from 
a quiet listener."
~Anonymous~

*~ (means lyrics)
''(means thoughts)


*~*~*~*~*~*~

*~

I've been searching for a reason and I'm running out of time
I can feel that it's the season
Time to make up my mind

*~

	Serena Brooke had everything she could ever 
want--a great job that paid well, a lovely apartment, 
great friends and family, and a wonderfully devoted 
boyfriend of six years. What more could she ask for?

	She had, what people called, the perfect life. 
People envied her for that, and wanted what she had. 
So why was she in such great distress if her life was
supposedly perfect? It was quite simple really--her Mr. 
Right asked her to marry him two weeks ago, and has 
yet to give him an answer. 

	Why was it such a dilemma? She honestly did
not know if he was the right one for her. Oh, sure he acted
like a perfect gentleman when he was with her, but what if
it was too good to be true? There were such men who acted
charming and gallant on the outside but were really snakes
and leeches on the inside. She had seen far too many women
find this out too late. It certainly wasn't going to be her fate.

	Okay, maybe she was acting a tad paranoid, but
she had to think about the possibilities. Her friends 
thought she was insane for acting the way she was, and 
believed that she wasn't giving herself any credit. Mr. Right,
better known as Darien Hart, was a perfect match for her 
at least that was what her friends had told her.  

	 For a while she was actually relieved when Darien
never brought up the topic of marriage or even hinted at it. 
She liked the way things were right now and didn't want it to 
get too complicated. It came as a shock to her when he 
suddenly popped the question while they took an evening 
stroll on the beach. It was the perfect setting to propose--the 
silvery moon in the distance, the waves crashing against the 
sand, and their hair flapping against the mild breeze. 

	Although she should have expected this, she never 
really prepared herself for the moment. He got down on one 
knee, opened a small velvet box with a sparkling solitaire
diamond ring nestled inside, and asked the question every 
girl dreams of from the day she was born. She remembered
his smiling and hopeful expression, expecting her to say yes
without even stopping to think about it. Unfortunately, it did
not go according to the plan. Instead, she told him she 
needed time to think it over and quietly departed, leaving 
him alone to wonder what went wrong. 

	Serena sat on her cream colored couch with her knees
drawn to her chest. She was running out of time and had to give
Darien an answer soon. He called earlier to let her know that 
he needed an answer tonight. He didn't want to wait around 
hoping she'd say yes when she really didn't want to get married. 
This put her in a tight spot.

*~

And I can't really tell ya what I'm gonna do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to walk down
And one road to choose
So I'm thinking over the things that you've said
I'm thinking over the things

*~

	She wished it were this easy to just give him an 
answer, a simple yes or no would have ended this matter
all together but it was something she could not do. Part of
her wanted to say yes and ride off into the sunset with her
Prince Charming, and part of her wanted to say no, too 
scared and unsure about what the future held for them. 

	She didn't want their marriage to be a mistake, and 
didn't believe in divorces either. Too many marriages
in this day and age were ending in divorce, and she didn't
want hers to be another number added to the statistics. 

	She felt that time was passing much too quickly.
It was already five o' clock, and she only had two more hours 
left to come up with a final decision. She was either going to
risk giving up on a guy she had come to love and care about 
or take a chance on this once in a lifetime opportunity. 

	There were two roads laid out before her and only one
road to choose. The answer was right in front of her and yet 
she couldn't see it. 

*~

Thinking over, thinking over
Thinking over the things that you've said
I'm thinking over, thinking over, thinking over the things

*~

	The sound of the phone ringing made her jump
slightly. After letting it ring a few times, she finally reached 
over and grabbed the cordless from the coffee table.

	"Hello?"

	"How are you, Sere?" a cheerful and bubbly voice
greeted her.

	"Not too good to be honest with you, Mina."

	"Still haven't come up with an answer yet?"

	"No. I've spent all morning and afternoon trying
to find one, but I can't seem to pick yes or no. It should
be easy, but there are too many things holding me back.
I'm supposed to see Darien around eight, and I don't
know what to say if I still can't come up with an answer."

	Serena massaged her forehead, hoping it would 
calm her nerves and alleviate some of the stress that was 
overcoming her whole body.

	"I don't know what to tell you, Sere. Darien is a
great guy and I'm sure he'd make a wonderful husband,
but it's really your decision. All I can do is support you in
whatever you decide."

	Serena cracked a small smile. 

	"Thanks, Mina. It means a lot to me to hear you 
say that."

	"I'm glad. Well, I have to get going now since Andrew 
and I made reservations at that new restaurant downtown. 
I just wanted to see how you were doing. Call me tomorrow, 
okay?"

	"Of course. Bye, Mina, and tell Andrew I said hello."

	"Sure thing! Bye."

	Serena pressed the off button and dropped the phone 
beside the couch cushions. She thought about what Mina 
said, and she was right about Darien. He'd make a fine 
husband and quite possibly a great father. He was sweet, 
charming, funny, and had killer good looks that made 
women's hearts flutter.

	She remembered a time when she asked Darien why
he picked her out of all the other women he could have had. 
He gave her a kiss on the forehead and told her that she was
the only one with a beautiful soul. He had never met anyone 
quite like her, and couldn't possibly think of being with
any other woman besides her.

	She smiled at the memory. He always did know how
to make her feel special. It was the little things he did for
her that made her heart melt, but she still had her doubts.
She wanted her fairy tale love with Darien to last forever 
rather than have it all end with a blink of an eye.

*~

Am I ready for forever 
Oh, God, show me a sign
Cause if we're to be together
Then it's got to be divine

*~

	Was she really ready to spend the rest of her life
with Darien? Would she be happy with him? She threw
her head back against the soft cushions and directed her
eyes to the ceiling. 

	'Dear God, show me a sign. If we're really meant
for each other, then nothing should be able to keep us
apart. I want to live in a house with three wonderful kids
and watch them grow up. I could have this with Darien
if I can only be sure that he'll be the one to make me happy.' 

	She was probably over analyzing her relationship,
but she wasn't one to jump into anything rash. She may
be a romantic like any other girl, but she was careful. Then
again, most women her age would have told her that 
choosing to marry Darien wouldn't be rash at all since she 
did know the guy for six years. It was the longest relationship
her and Darien have ever been in, and they managed to
stay with each other in the good times and bad. It would
be appropriate to seal the deal with a marriage. 

	Maybe most women thought that way, but she certainly
was not like most women. She had her reasons and her
beliefs, and wasn't about to give them up just because 
they weren't like everyone else's. Knowing someone for six
years was not enough to make her accept a marriage 
proposal, but she wasn't going to reject it entirely either.

*~

And I can't really tell ya what I'm gonna do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to walk down
And one road to choose
So I'm thinking over the things that you've said
I'm thinking over the things

*~

	She glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall and
saw it was now six thirty. She let out a frustrated sigh
and got up from the couch. She was tired of sitting 
here, wishing and willing the answer to come to her
with a snap of her fingers. It would be nice but reality
did not work that way. 

	She walked over to her balcony and pulled
the sliding glass door open. She stepped outside to
feel the last of the ray's sun warm her skin. She drank
in the sight of the sun setting behind the towering 
skyscrapers, leaving streaks of gold and orange behind.

	Darien had once compared her hair to the sun and
her eyes to the stars. He thought God had spent more time
on creating her because she was special, and was meant
to be cherished by someone worthy of this angel.

	 She didn't know of many men who had said 
something so endearing like he did. It was a rarity to find 
guys like him on this earth. You either find them or you don't. 
If he really believed that God would deem her special enough 
to send one of his angels to earth then Darien had to have 
been created for her, an equally beautiful angel to keep her 
company and love her.

*~

Thinking over, thinking over
Thinking over the things that you've said
I'm thinking over, thinking over, thinking over the things

*~     

	The glittering lights of the city were a mixture of
silver and gold that dazzled a person's eyes with its
radiance. The lights were as numerous as the stars
and always gave the city a romantic atmosphere in
the night. 

	Serena always liked the city at night, and would
often come out onto her balcony just to stare at the 
beautiful view of the city. 

	It reminded her of a movie she saw where a 
couple was dancing on the rooftop with the lights of 
the city framing the background. The only difference 
was that she was alone on her balcony without her 
own dancing partner. 

	She sighed and ran slim fingers through her
wavy blond tresses. Did she really want to let go of
Darien if she said no? It wouldn't be fair to him at all if
she made him wait for her, and a guy like Darien wasn't
going to stick around either. He was the kind of guy who
wanted a loving wife and beautiful children to fill his
stable and secure home. 

	It was the kind of life he yearned for and wanted
so much to come true. She didn't want to be the
woman who stood in his way of that.

*~

He wants to marry me, carry me far away
He wants to love me for life
He wants to be with me every morning I awake
He wants to hold me through the night

*~

	Just as she stepped back into her apartment
and closed the sliding glass door, the doorbell rang.
Her face lost all of its color until she was as pale as
the moon outside her window. 

	She slowly turned to the clock on the kitchen wall
and felt her shoulders droop when she realized it was
already eight o' clock.

	'Then that meant...oh my God! He was here!'

	She started pacing around the living room, her 
legs making wild spins and sudden turns. She bit her 
nails nervously as she tried to figure out what she was 
going to say to him. 

	How did the time fly by so quickly? Was she really
outside for that long? She moaned while trying to pull
herself together. She only prayed she'd be able to say the
right answer. Not only would her answer have a profound 
impact on her and Darien, it would also forever shape the 
direction their futures would take. 

	She heard the doorbell ring again. Taking one 
more quick glance around the room to make sure that 
everything was in order, she gracefully made her way 
to the door and opened it.

	Darien stood on the other side of the door donning
a brown leather jacket over a white button down shirt and
jeans. His cobalt eyes did not hold the usual glint of his
teasing or charming manner. Instead, he was more 
subdued and cautious as if he were bracing himself
for the worse.

	Serena stepped aside to let him in, neither one of
them exchanging a word to each other. She closed the
door behind her, lingering behind as if it would delay the
inevitable conversation they would be having in her
living room.

	Darien glanced up and stared at her hesitant
form. He was sitting on the couch waiting for her to
come join him, but seemed rooted to her spot by the
door. He frowned at this and patted the spot next to him.

	"Please sit down, Serena," he gently commanded
her.

	Her legs felt heavy as if it were made out of lead. 
She felt like her short trek to the sofa was going to take
several years, but she managed to get there and sat
beside him.

	She folded her hands together and placed them
gently on her lap. She examined her cushy carpet, 
marveling at how the color matched the rest of the 
objects in the room. As insignificant as the color of
her carpet seemed, she wanted to take her mind off of 
the burning question occupying both their minds--will 
she or won't she marry him?

	She wanted to disappear, just run out of her 
apartment and avoid Darien and the whole situation. 
It sounded tempting, but she couldn't do that. This was
Darien, her boyfriend for crying out loud, not the bubonic
plague! 

	Serena felt his large hand pull away one of
her clasp hands to grasp it within his own. She bit 
her bottom lip and suppressed the overwhelming 
urge to cry.

	"You're awfully quiet, Serena. You don't have an
answer for me do you."

	It was more like a statement rather than a question.
It was painfully obvious why she refused to say anything
or even look at him.

	"No," she murmured, feeling ashamed and utterly
stupid. 

	"What's wrong, sweetheart? It's been two weeks
and you've barely found an answer for me. Is it that hard
to say yes or no?"

	"Yes!" she exclaimed, raising her grief stricken
eyes to meet a pair of baffled ones. "It is hard because
I don't know if what I say will be the right answer."

	"Serena, you either love me enough to marry me
or you're not ready to marry me. I gave you some space, 
but I need to know. I want to get married eventually and I 
had hoped that you would be my wife, but I can't wait 
around for you forever."

	"I know!" she cried, throwing her arms up in
agitation and causing Darien's hold on her hand to
slip. "Don't you think I know that already?"

	"Then what is holding you back?"

	"Because I don't know if you're the one I
should marry!"

	Her voice rattled the apartment until it settled
back to an eerie silence. Darien blinked with his mouth
hanging open in astonishment. Serena covered her face
with her hands, trying to regain her composure and 
strength. He gathered her up in a warm embrace
and began stroking her hair.

	"I didn't know you felt this way. Why didn't you
tell me that night I proposed to you?"

	"I couldn't. You smiled at me with that dashing 
smile of yours and your eyes glowed with happiness
at the time. How could I tell you right then and there
that I had doubts?"

	"Serena, you know I love you more than anything
else in this entire world. I truly believe you're the one for
me and I know I'm the one for you. I wouldn't have asked
you to marry me if I didn't think so." He lifted her chin with
his index finger to see tears streaming down her face. He
smiled at her and kissed her tear streaked face. "I want to
be the man who makes you happy, I want to wake up beside
you every morning, and I want you to be the mother of my
children, but I can't make that happen unless you truly 
want to marry me. Have faith in me and our love. If you do
that, then our love will truly be unbreakable."  

*~

Father, which way should I go?
I cannot clearly see
And, oh, I love him so
But only you know if he's the one for me
Yeah, yeah

*~

	Serena felt the truth and meaning of his words
reach the very depths of her heart. Oh, how she loved him
so much it hurt just to think of him being with anyone
else but her. 

	'Please listen to me, God. Show me the sign I'm 
looking for. You're the only one who knows if he's the 
right man for me. I need to know now before I let him 
slip away from me.'

	God must have heard her prayer this time for she 
heard a distant tinkling sound coming from her bedroom. 
It was a soft melody and chimed like tiny bells. Darien heard 
it too, for he glanced at her opened bedroom door and gazed 
back at her.

	"Is that what I think it is?"

	A small smile was spread across her lips and
nodded.

	"It's the music box you gave me for our anniversary. 
The one where you had it specially made so it would play
our song."

	"Why is it playing now?"

	"I asked God for a sign if you were the one for me
and I guess that's my answer."

	"You mean--"

	"Yes. I know now for certain that I want to share 
every part of my life with you. I want to be Mrs. Darien Hart."

	Darien felt his heart burst with joy and love. He bent
down and gave her a soul-searing kiss to rival all the ones
he had given to her. They broke apart breathless but blissfully
happy. 

	He took out the velvet box from his jacket pocket and
opened it to slip the ring on her finger. She felt the cold metal
against her skin and watched the single diamond flicker
and shine in the light. 

	All her doubts and fears evaporated as she looked at
the beautiful ring. It was a symbol of promises to be kept 
and a lifetime of love and happiness that were just waiting 
for them in the future.

*~

Thinking over the things that you've said
I'm thinking over, thinking over
Only you know if he's the one for me

And I can't really tell ya what I'm gonna do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to walk down
And one road to choose
So I'm thinking over the things that you've said

Thinking over the things that you said

*~

The End!

~~~~~~~~~~~*

I hope you enjoyed the fic and please give me
your comments! Happy WAFF vs. TAFF everyone!


*Completed on March 30, 2003*