Shattered Love
Song-fic
By: Jessica M. Moonflower
E-mail: salud731@earthlink.net
Rated: PG-13

Timeline: Alternate Universe

Summary: Just when it seems like their relationship is unbreakable, 
Darien unexpectedly pulls away. What could have happened? And will 
Serena forgive him?

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is not mine for the taking as it belongs to the lovely 
Naoko.

ANs: Another song-fic based on the Faith Hill song, "Cry." I guess you could 
say it's a break up fic, but it doesn't pertain to the R season at all. Hope you 
all enjoy it and please send in your comments. Special thanks goes out to
my editor/beta reader Eimar for looking over my fic. 

"There is one pain I often feel which you'll never know...it's caused by the 
absence of you."
*~Ashleigh Brown

~~~~~~~~~*

*Serena's POV*

	Just when you think life was absolutely perfect, you turn around 
and have reality slap you hard in the face. Irony sure could be a bitch 
sometimes. Usually I don't sound bitter, but you couldn't blame me for 
sounding the way I do. I was probably too naive to see it at the time. Maybe 
I didn't want to see it, but how could a person possibly prepare themselves 
for a pain so overwhelming that you wished there was something you could 
do to block it out? 

*~Flashback*~

	"Isn't it wonderful, Darien? It's snowing!" I squealed with delight. My 
gloved palm was outstretched to catch the soft snowflakes, and I watched 
as each of them slowly dissolved into nothingness.  

	I was deliriously happy. It was a beautiful winter afternoon and I was 
spending it with someone I loved very much. I always thought winter was a 
romantic season because it gave lovers an excuse to wrap their arms 
around each other in a warm embrace. 

	I started spinning around in small circles as the snowflakes twirled 
and danced around me. I felt like a fairy princess in those story books I used 
to read when I was a little girl, and this winter wonderland was my ice palace. 
I imagined myself at the center of attention in a grand ballroom, and I had a 
dozen suitors waiting to dance the winter waltz with me. 

	I giggled and felt my face warm with an oncoming blush. My breath 
came out in huge puffs of steam as I breathed in the fresh winter air. I 
couldn't think of any other place I'd rather be than with Darien in this world of 
white. It felt magical, almost like a dream even. The day was just too perfect 
for anything to spoil it. 

	I whirled around to catch a glimpse of Darien only to have my huge 
smile drop to a frown. He stared back at me with empty and expressionless 
eyes. An unsettling chill crept up my spine and I shuddered. He never looked 
at me in such a way before, and it scared me.  

	"Darien, is something bothering you? You know you can always tell 
me, right?" 

	I knew he had a knack for masking his emotions from everyone he 
knew, including his friends. However, when we started dating each other, he 
never felt the need to use his mask in front of me. I was the only one he 
poured his heart and soul out to, and I knew more about him than Andrew 
did, his best friend since high school. It was odd seeing him like this. Why 
would he shut me out now?

	Darien's face grew hard and indifferent. He reminded me of a stone 
sculpture, beautiful but lifeless. His eyes slowly met mine in an icy glare. His 
steel blue eyes held resentment and irritation, which made my heart lurch 
painfully inside my chest. Maybe it was even possible to feel your heart break 
into a thousand pieces with just one look.

	"Darien?" I whimpered, "Why are you looking at me like that? Have I 
done something wrong?"

	"Will you stop your whimpering?!" he barked viciously. I stumbled 
back in fear nearly slipping on the ice hidden underneath the soft snow. He 
stood in his place with not one hint of remorse on his features. "Why is it 
always about Serena? Does the world revolve around you or something? 
Why do you always assume that my thoughts are always about you?"

	"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered as I desperately tried to keep a calm 
composure. I licked my dry lips while tucking a bothersome blond curl that 
fell out of place behind my ear. "You seemed quiet ever since we left your 
apartment. I was concerned, Darien. The way you were looking at me just 
now, I couldn't help but think I've done something to upset you."

	"I've got news for you, Serena, it's none of your business! I don't 
have to tell you everything that goes on in my life you know!"

	I winced at the harshness of his tone. The sweet and gentle Darien, 
who had claimed to love me countless times, had now become a bitter 
and short-tempered man. A transformation like this didn't happen 
overnight. Something was bothering him, and now he was taking his 
frustrations out on me. If he could just tell me what was on his 
mind, then everything would be all right once we work through it. 
We usually do.  

	"Darien, maybe we should go back to your apartment and talk about 
this." I placed a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to soothe him. "Right 
now you're in a bad mood and you need to calm down." 

	He slapped my hand away and growled. "Don't tell me what to do! I'm 
not a child! God, you're so annoying! Why did I ever go out with you in the first 
place?"

	I blanched. Each word he uttered was like a stab to the heart. I stared 
at the hand he so carelessly slapped away then back at him. My own anger 
flared to match his own. "What are you saying? Are you saying that dating 
me has been a mistake?" 

	He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. The action only irked 
and hurt me further. "It was a mistake meeting you, Serena. I think I would 
have been better off without you. I'm so tired of hearing you whine about 
idiotic things that don't matter! Why don't you learn to grow up?"

	I shut my eyes to suppress the stinging wetness that was ready to 
leak under my eyelids. Why did it feel like a part of me had just died? "So 
what? You want to break up with me? Was this something you wanted?"

	"At least I wouldn't have to deal with you being on my case every 
time I'm not in the mood to share my feelings with you."

	I leaned against a nearby tree to support my weak legs. Standing 
on my own two feet had become a strenuous task on my part after all the 
cruel barbs and chastising I had forced myself to endure. I had refused to 
look at the man standing in front of me. This couldn't be Darien. He was an 
impostor--he had to be! No, Darien would never deliberately hurt me. He 
loved me! I knew he did! 

	I held my head in my hands trying to tell myself over and over again 
that he didn't want to break up with me because he couldn't. There was no 
way he could live without me. I was the only one for him, didn't he know 
that?

	I dared to glance in his direction and saw him standing there 
motionless with not one tiny crack in his icy demeanor. I saw nothing that 
would have made me think otherwise about what he had just said to me. 

	My shoulders shook uncontrollably as the truth came crashing down to 
bring me out of my denial. We were going to break up. I wanted to argue and 
plead with him that we didn't have to do this, but I was tired and felt defeated. 
He had hurt me more than anybody else in my entire life had. A break up 
was something I hadn't expected nor was willing to accept. To accept the 
end of our relationship would mean admitting to myself that our love was 
nothing but a sham, a fabrication concocted by my deluded mind. Did it really 
matter what I thought? Darien would still break up with me regardless of how I 
felt on the matter. The only thing I could do was at least pretend to accept the 
break up gracefully and with enough pride to walk out of here without losing my 
wits in front of him. 

	I buried my black boot deep into the clean white snow as I averted my 
eyes anywhere except on his cold and mocking ones. 

	"It's funny, Darien," I began, my voice small and restrained, "I really 
thought you loved me. I thought everything between us was perfect, and we 
were happy. I really thought we could tell each other anything, and we'd 
work through whatever conflicts we may have. I guess I was wrong. If you really 
want us to break up, I release you. I will no longer be your burden, and you're 
free to do whatever you want. Hope you have a nice life, Darien."

	I walked out of the park with my head bowed down and my legs 
moving my body mechanically down the street. I let the tears fall freely from 
my face, unable to hold it in any longer. I was such a fool to think that my 
relationship with Darien was going to last. As they say, nothing in life lasts 
forever, not even love.

*~End of Flashback*~


*~

If I had just one tear running down your cheek
Maybe I could cope maybe I'd get some sleep
If I had just one moment at your expense
Maybe all my misery would be well spent

*~

	Approximately one year had past since the break up between 
me and Darien. I tried my best to move on with my life and return to my 
usual happy and bubbly self, but it was hard. There were times I couldn't 
bring myself to smile a genuine smile like I did before. All my friends were 
worried about my behavior. They weren't used to seeing me act this way. 
Sometimes my friends would pull me aside and speak to me privately, asked 
me if I wanted to talk about my problems or if I was doing okay. I would 
reassure them the best way I could. I was thankful for having such sweet and 
caring friends like them, but there was nothing I wanted to talk about. It simply 
hurt too much to bring up the past.

	My sleeping patterns had been erratic lately. I would lie awake in bed 
for hours just thinking about how he was doing and what he was up to right 
about now. Had he found a new girlfriend? Did he ever think of me? Did he 
ever regret the break up? I hadn't seen him at the arcade in a long time. Maybe
he was avoiding me. I was angry. Was he too much of a coward to face me? He 
was the one who broke up with me. Why should he feel ashamed? He was the 
one who plunged my life in utter misery. My life was filled with sun and blue 
skies, now all I got was dark clouds and harsh winds. 

	Until now, I still cried my eyes out during the night, thinking about his 
cruel words and stony gaze. Pathetic! I wanted him to cry as much as I did. I 
wanted him to feel some sort of pain or regret from the break up. Why should I 
always be the one to feel the full brunt of it? Life wasn't fair. 

*~

Yeah...could you cry a little
Lie just a little
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain
I gave now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me

*~

	I walked at a slow pace with my figure hunched forward and my blond 
pigtails sweeping up dust and dirt with each step I took. I didn't feel like 
coming by the arcade after school. The girls were probably there by now and 
expected me to show up, but I didn't feel like seeing anybody. What was the 
point of going there if I only made my friends worry about my emotional state? 
I didn't want to be a burden to them if their lives just happened to be better than 
mine at the moment.  The last thing I wanted to do was drag them down with 
me. 

	I didn't know why I couldn't get past the break up. It was a year ago and 
it still affected me. Darien was just a jerk who broke my heart. What was there 
to feel miserable about? It was his loss and not mine! I hated him for making 
me feel this way. I hated him for breaking my heart. But most of all, I hated him 
for not having things affect or hurt him deeply like it hurt me. Why couldn't he 
just cry for me? It was the least he could do, and maybe I could get on with my 
life. Damn him! 

	I screamed and hurled my briefcase against the nearest wall in a fit of 
rage. The clasps on my bag snapped open and all the contents from inside 
spilled out and clattered to the floor. After the hazy feeling of my fury subsided, 
my shaky knees slowly bent down to gather the loose books and papers that 
were strewn haphazardly on the floor. I heard people whisper things as they 
passed by, but I ignored them. I didn't care what they thought about me. It 
didn't concern them anyway. 

	I threw a few pencils and pens into my briefcase, and was about to 
reach for my Math textbook when a large hand closed around it. Shocked, I 
looked up to see Darien's concerned midnight blue eyes staring back at me.

*~

If your love could be caged, honey I would hold the key
And conceal it underneath the pile of lies you handed me
And you'd hunt those lies
They'd be all you'd ever find
And that'd be all you'd have to know
For me to be fine

*~

	I took the book from his hand and laid it on my lap. I started feeling 
unsure of whether or not he was really here. It was quite possible that with 
the combination of my lack of sleep and emotional turmoil, I was now 
starting to hallucinate.

	"Serena, are you okay?" 

	When I heard his deep baritone reach my ears, my head snapped 
up to look at him. He really wasn't a hallucination, and he was standing 
right beside me at this very moment! I didn't know what to feel. It was 
strange, almost foreign, to see him after so many months.

	I studied him for a bit, taking in his appearance. He looked the 
same only this time he didn't hide his feelings behind a mask. I was 
puzzled. I expected him to be the cold and callous Darien I had the 
displeasure of knowing not the sweet and tender Darien I came to love. 

	I turned back to the rest of my things and shoved the rest of my 
books and papers into my briefcase.

	"Why do you care, Darien?" I snapped, putting on an icy demeanor 
as I shut my case closed. "You never really cared before."

	Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him clench one fist tightly at his 
side as if to hold himself back. From what I couldn't really tell nor did I care. 
I only wanted to leave with what little dignity I had left.

	I stood to my full height and turned to walk in the other direction with 
my hand tightly clutching the handle of my briefcase. If I wanted to get over 
this break up, I needed to let go of the past and move on. Hoping Darien 
would come back to me was not on my agenda.

	The sound of rapid footsteps pounding against the sidewalk drew 
closer and closer as I continued walking. I didn't think anything of it until I felt 
a large hand grip my wrist to stop me in my tracks. Alarmed, I whirled around 
to face the perpetrator only to stare into a familiar set of eyes.

	"Serena, we need to talk." Darien's eyes bored into mine in a silent 
command not to turn him away. 

	I wrenched my wrist away from his hand and backed away from him. I 
shook my head as I glared at him.

	"There's nothing to talk about! We've been through for about a year 
now, or have you forgotten that?"

	"I know, Serena, but if you let me explain--"

	"There's nothing to explain!" I cut him off mid-sentence without letting 
him go further. "You wanted to get rid of me, and you did. You should be 
happy for making me miserable and tearing my heart into shreds!"

	"I'm not happy with myself! Don't you see?! I'm just as miserable as 
you are!" He shouted at the top of his lungs.

	"What's this? Darien Chiba actually feels sorry? How touching. If only 
I had a heart left to actually care," my voice dripped with bitter sarcasm.

	My anger consumed me. The more I looked at him, the more he 
fueled my anger, my hatred, and my disgust for him. All my feelings poured 
out like a gushing waterfall. I was unable to stop myself nor did I want to. I 
kept my feelings bottled up for far too long and I needed to release them. 
Some part of me felt that this was the moment I had been waiting for--to just 
let go without caring who I had hurt. I was hurt and I had a right to be angry 
even if Darien wound up being the one I mercilessly attacked. He deserved it 
after all, didn't he?

*~

Yeah...and you'd cry a little
And die just a little
And baby I would feel just a little less pain
I gave now I'm wanting 
Something in return
So cry just a little for me

*~

	Darien stood quietly in front of me, immobile and shocked beyond 
words. I felt some sort of satisfaction that I had the upper hand in this 
heated argument. I finally got the best of Darien Chiba, the world class jerk 
and heartbreaker.

	"I never knew I could make you sound this harsh before," he replied
quietly after a moment of silence between us.

	"You used to bring the best out of me, but now you brought out the 
worst. What did you think would happen after we broke up? You thought I'd 
just walk away with a huge smile on my face and pretend that everything was 
okay? That I wouldn't be deeply hurt? I'm not as flexible as you think I am. 
Some things are harder to bounce back from. I'm only human like everyone 
else is. Don't ever think that bad things can't get to me because they do." 

	"There is a reason why I came running after you."

	"And what would that be?" I looked at him with tired eyes.

	"The reason I broke up with you was because 	I didn't feel that I was 
good enough for you."

	"What?" I gasped. I felt my heart thud sharply against my chest as I tried 
to make sense of what he was saying.

	"It's true," he bowed down his head in shame, "I broke up with you 
because I thought you deserved better than me and I still do. By making you 
hate me, I wanted you to forget about me. I didn't think I'd put you through
so much pain."

	"That was your reason for breaking up with me?!" I cried out as I let 
my voice rise into a high pitched shriek.

	How could he do this to me--to us? Who gave him the right to decide 
what was best for our relationship? Why didn't he come to me if he was so 
unsure about himself?

*~

Give it up baby
I hear your doin' fine
Nothin's gonna save me
I can see it in your eyes
Some kind of heartache, darlin'
Give it a try
I don't want pity
I just want what is mine

*~

	Losing every ounce of control I had, I slapped him across the face, a 
red mark staining his smooth tan skin. He placed his hand on the red mark 
and looked at me with a pained expression.

	"How dare you! How DARE you! What gave you the right to make that 
decision? Don't you think I have every right to decide who I choose to be with? 
My God, I thought I could trust you to tell me these things. I would have told you 
my reasons for being with you, and why you're worthy of my love. I would have 
taken away all that doubt, but you blew it. Because of your stupidity you threw 
away all the faith I had in you."

	Tears slid down my face and gently dropped onto my blouse. I was 
emotionally drained and too tired to argue anymore. It hurt that he lied to me 
more than the break up did. He thought by hiding his real reason he would 
protect me? Oh, how wrong he was. 

	Darien took my hand in his and gazed at me with a look that said to 
understand why he did it.

	"Serena, I'm so sorry. It hurt me to let you go, but I only want what 
is best for you. You should forget about me. You'll find happiness with 
someone else. I know it hurts now, but you'll thank me for doing this."

	"Thank you? THANK YOU?! Are you blind to see that all I want is 
you, and only you? This separation won't make everything better."

	"Please, Serena! Don't make this harder than it already is," he 
pleaded with me. "As much as I love you I want you to hate me. If it'll allow 
you to move on and find someone else then I encourage you to do it. You 
need to find someone much better than me. Someone who will make you 
happier more than I ever could. I am not that person."

	For the first time, I was surprised to see something I hadn't expected--
tears started sliding down his cheek. I had finally got him to feel the same 
pain I felt, but now I was no longer satisfied with having him hurt anymore. I 
wanted to take away his pain by making him see that we didn't need to do this. 
And yet, I doubt he would listen to me anyway unless he could see this for 
himself. There was only one thing left I could do--give him what he wanted.

*~

Yeah...could you cry a little
And lie just a little
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain
I gave now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me

*~

	"Okay. If this is what you really want, then I'll do it. Can I tell you one 
last thing though?"

	"Yes?" he asked as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

	"We're making the biggest mistake of our lives. I'm only agreeing to 
this because you want me to, and you probably won't listen to me argue 
about how wrong all of this is. It'll only hurt us more later than it is now. 
You'll see."

	"Just let me go, Serena. If I didn't love you so much I wouldn't be 
doing this."

	"And if you loved me, you would know how much I could never fully 
let you go no matter who I'm with. You had my heart from the beginning and 
you'll always will."

	"Good-bye, Serena."

	He turned and walked passed me without ever looking back. I closed 
my eyes, took in a deep breath, and resumed my walk home. I wanted to fall 
to pieces on the pavement. I had lost the only person I could ever love twice, 
but I didn't have the energy to fight for it anymore. Somehow, there was no 
way I could ever be okay with this.

*~

Yeah...cry just a little for me

Whoa ooo, could you cry a little for me

Yeah, yeah

*~

*The End*

~~~~~~~~~~~~*

I know what you're all thinking, 'This can't be the end?' Not to worry though, 
there will be a sequel, which will be entitled, 'I'd Rather'. I wanted to try my 
luck with angsty fanfic writing. If you like the angst then you better not read the 
sequel since I revert back to my warm and fuzzy goodness in the sequel. Let 
me know what you all think by dropping me a line!

*~Completed May 23, 2003*~