Letting Go By: Jessica M. Moonflower It was a cool autumn day in late September where the weather was just right for a light jacket and the leaves turned all sorts of beautiful colors from a golden yellow to a deep red. Squirrels occasionally popped out from inside a small opening in the tree to gather fallen acorns for the upcoming winter. Paige Owens absorbed the lush surroundings of her Hartford neighborhood with a fresh bouquet of pink and white roses in her hand. Every Wednesday she took her mid-afternoon strolls no matter what the weather was like. It could be pouring rain outside yet it wouldn't really matter to her. All that mattered was getting to the place she usually went when she had this time to herself. She drew up the collar of her black jacket closer to her face as a way of protecting herself from the gusts of wind. She then pushed back her long disheveled auburn hair to keep the soft strands from covering her whole face. As she got closer and closer to her destination, a man in his late fifties came up to her with his little white terrier following behind at a frisky little trot. "Why hello, Paige! How are you doing today?" "Hi, Mr. Mitchell. I'm doing very well today, and you?" "Swell, thank you. My dog, Missie, needed some exercise so that's why we're out here. Although, I didn't think it would get so cold today." He shivered in response, rubbing his gloved hands together vigorously. "Neither did I." Paige bent down on the ground to pet the small terrier who responded with a warm lick on her face. She giggled at the dog's adorable actions and proceeded to rub her chin. "I heard about your father and I'm so sorry for your loss," Mr. Mitchell solemnly said, his voice dropping to an almost sorrowful whisper. She froze when she heard his earnest condolences. Her heart twisted painfully at a memory she had tried so hard not to reflect back on. She withdrew her hand from the dog's chin and allowed it to drop limply back to her side. She stood up to meet her neighbor's concerned gaze with much reluctance. Seeing the sympathy he held for her in his grayish blue eyes, she turned her head away, unable to look at him without shedding a few tears. Feeling a single tear wet her cheek, she wiped it away while saying in a steady voice, "It's okay. I'll get by somehow. I'm staying at a friend's house in the meantime until my aunt and uncle take me to their Virginia home. They insist that I live with them for a while and they refuse to have me live alone." "If there is anything at all I can do for you just let me know, okay? You're always welcome to stop by our house and talk to either me or Mrs. Mitchell. We'll be happy to listen to you." "I'll remember that." She turned and smiled at him graciously. They bid each other farewell and departed in separate directions. Paige quickened her pace as she found it hard to keep in the overwhelming emotions that were ready to spill out, like a bottle of soda that has been shaken up for long periods of time and is about ready to burst. She needed to find solace in the only place she knew she would find it--St. Paul's Cemetery. She slipped through the massive iron gates and trudged up the grassy pathway, her eyes casting a faraway glance beyond the horizon. A mixture of the grass and leaves crunched beneath her feet as she continued blindly up the hill. The sun was reflected off the glistening dew drops left over from last night's rainstorm. From faraway, the tiny droplets almost resembled delicate glass beads. She weaved through carefully crafted tombstones with a look of wistfulness on her features for those who have passed away. On some of the graves were half dead flowers or freshly cut new ones probably left there by a recent visit. The long leafy green branches of a weeping willow tree gently caressed two little gravestones as if they were hands reaching out to brush the rosy cheeks of a baby sleeping peacefully in it's crib. Paige knelt down in front of the graves, laying the roses in between the two. Gazing at the graves brought fresh tears to her eyes. "Hey, Mom and Dad. I'm back again for my Wednesday visit," she addressed the two gravestones dismally, wiping back tears that spilled down her pale cheeks. "I'm doing fine. School is okay and Aunt Hannah and Uncle Robert will be here soon to take me home with them. I guess I don't mind, but I hate feeling so empty. I feel as if a part of me left when you died, Dad, and joined Mom." One teardrop fell followed by another until a whole flood of them streamed down her face. She no longer wiped them away since this was the only way of dealing with her grief. "Paige?" A rich and soothing voice made her jump slightly. This voice was so familiar. Where had she heard it before? It couldn't be, right? Was it even possible? She exhaled a shaky breath and slowly turned her head to meet the owner of the voice. A small gasp escaped her lips as she stared at the tall male figure in front of her. "Mark?" "Long time no see, Paige." She looked back at her older brother in astonishment. She had to blink a couple of times just to be sure she wasn't seeing an illusion she may have conjured up. Once the shock fully set in, she studied her brother for the first time in almost six years. He was a lot taller than the last time she saw him, maybe three inches taller than she. His skin was as white as a sheet and his green eyes lacked the usual brightness she was accustomed to when she was younger. They never stopped glowing with energy and happiness and now they looked empty and dull. If it weren't for his haggard appearance, people would be able to note his handsome features. He had undergone a drastic change and Paige almost felt sorry for him except she was still angry with him. "What are you doing here?" she spat bitterly, pushing back the few strands of hair that stuck to her tear stained face. Her harsh tone and impassive glare didn't surprise him at all. He actually expected it from her. Taking a step closer to her, he replied, "I came to see you. I thought it was about time I went home." "You should have thought of that sooner before our parents passed away," she snapped sharply. "Paige--" "Save your excuses for someone who cares. I don't need this right now." "Paige, I'm--" "I hate you! Just go away and leave me alone!" She let her entire body fall on one of the cool graves as if the energy to support her body had been sucked out. She picked up a red leaf and began twirling it between her fingers. Oddly enough, it helped her forget about her anger and the presence of her brother for the time being. Mark watched his sister's downcast face and felt sorry for all the pain he had caused her and their parents. The anger that blazed within her fiery blue eyes could make anyone shudder. Then again, it did. He couldn't blame his sister for how she was feeling, although, the look of resentment in her eyes cut through his heart like a knife. Still, he had to undo all the damage he had caused even if Paige would never find it in her heart to forgive him. He ran a nervous hand through his thick brown hair and let it drop to his side. He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around Paige's still form. She tried to push him away at first, but he held on fiercely, determined not to let go. Realizing her brother was going to be stubborn, she let out a tired sigh. She might as well listen to what Mark had to say. After all, he had come home and he was the only family she had left. "I'm so sorry for abandoning you and our family, Paige. I'm not proud of myself for skipping out on Dad's funeral, but I came back to make amends." "Why didn't you come to his funeral? He would have wanted you to come, and you're all I have left now," she whispered, her voice quivering with every word she uttered. "I know, I know! But I let my pride get the best of me and it kept me from coming. Believe me, Paige, it'll be something I'll regret for the rest of my life." "Are you still holding a grudge against Dad because he refused to support your decision to become a writer? Is that it?!" She shoved him a bit and he stumbled backwards, but kept his arms around her. "I won't lie to you, Paige. In some ways I was still angry with him, but most of all I was too ashamed to go home." She sat still for a while absorbing all the information she had attained. It puzzled her to know that he was ashamed to go home. What made it so hard? She remained silent and began to listen to his explanation. "Don't ever doubt my love for you and our parents because I loved you all very much. It's just that after I got out of high school, I had a passion for writing. I wanted him to support my dream, but he believed it was an impractical one to ever think of. I was angry and I never tried resolving our differences and just took off for college. After college, I decided to try to write my first novel, but the publishing company I submitted it to rejected it and I was too hurt and stubborn to believe that Dad was right. And then when you wrote about Dad passing away, I was stunned and angry for not bothering to come and visit the two of you when I had the chance. I chose not to come to the funeral, thinking it was all for the best. It was a poor choice, I know, and I spent most of my time wallowing in self-pity until finally I decided to go home," he paused for a moment to gather his thoughts, and then continued, "I know no amount of apologies will ever take away the hurt I imposed upon this family, but believe me when I say that I'm so sorry." A few tears fell to the ground and Paige was overcome with sympathy and forgiveness. How could she rebuff him when he was her family? She still loved him despite all the pain and tears that were shed. What this family needed right now was to let go of the past and heal. She embraced her brother in a warm hug and they stayed that way for a few minutes until she broke away to look into her brother's sad eyes. She laid a warm hand on his cheek and wiped the remaining tears away. "I forgive you for everything. I can't hate you because we need each other. I promise you that we'll get through this together." She gave him a comforting squeeze of the hand and smiled up at him. He smiled back and hugged her once more. He missed her so much and now he was with her again. This time he wasn't going to screw up. They got up off the ground and watched as the sky was stained with orange and pink hues. The colorful sky with it's feathery clouds made the scenery picturesque and almost too perfect for any painter to capture on canvas. A cold breeze brushed across their cheeks and leaves swirled around them in a dizzying dance. "Paige?" Mark said in a low whisper. "Yes?" "I wish I could tell Dad how much I'm sorry for everything I said to him. But with him gone, I'll never get that chance." Turning her head to face him, she replied, "You can't blame yourself for things that have been said and done in the past, Mark. Mom and Dad wouldn't have wanted you to. Before Dad died, he told me that he regrets not being able to tell you how sorry he was for driving you away. All he wanted was to see you happy. And if being a writer is what makes you happy, then he's happy as well. You see even though Mom and Dad aren't with us right now, they'll always be in our hearts." Touched by his sister's insight and wisdom, he moved closer to his parent's graves and began to do what he longed to do for years, say good-bye and make amends for past mistakes. "I guess we're both filled with regret, but we can't dwell on what might have been. We simply must move on. You were the best father I've ever had and I'm so proud to be your son. I never hated you, Dad. You were the one who inspired me to become the man you knew I could be and for that I'll be forever grateful to you. I promise to take care of Paige. You have my word on that." Mark kissed his fingertips and touched the grave lightly with them. He stepped back to where Paige was, slung a comforting arm around her shoulder, and they began their descent on the hill. It would be hard at first to move on with their lives without their parents, but since they had each other, it made things a lot easier.